Quietly Quirky T-Shirts

"I sort of imagined with a live reading, he'd be reading out loud."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

The Food Chain

"Bless You."

Nun Fight.

"Don't editorialize."

'I've discovered a talking amoeba!' '2+2=4, 5-4=1, 93=3.' SMASH 'I wanted to get it before it multiplied.'

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

E M Forster.

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

'The stuff legends are made of'

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

Noah's lesser known brother.

Penny Farthing Tricycle

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

In Case of An Irresistable Urge to Break Something

Hoppers leave Luke's Pub at the end of Hoppy Hour.

"And now, moving along to our right, we have Hilda Schumacher, of Zelton Falls, Pennsylvania. Ms. Schumacher has been painting clowns on velvet for over fifteen years, and we find her work a fine example of this genre."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

Chiantis In Translation

'Pavlov's first experiment'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

"You're not from around here...are you?"

"Get your knockoff pretzels."

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

Big Bob knew it was wrong, but gosh darn it, someone had to stick up for the little guy.

'How much would you charge to kill my husband'