Lover Of Quirky Humor T-Shirts

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"OK, he's hooked–now reel him in."

'Something's wrong here.'

"You're gonna take a left at the nondescript white wall, keep going till you pass a nondescript white wall, then head right when you hit a nondescript white wall. If you see a nondescript white wall, you've gone too far."

"Jesus Rufus! Not the fatberg special again!?!"

Monday: Even the flasher couldn't get his act together.

"Scrunchy."

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."

"Could you aim that down and a little to the left? I dropped my contact."

"Thank you for trusting and opening up today Dave. That's what therapy is all about. We'll expound on your sexual attraction to your gold fish in our next session, and also discuss in more detail your overwhelming desire to sleep with three cucumbers."

"You're drinking the potpourri."

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"Ooo. . . a Valentine's card! - I wonder who it's from. . . ?"

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Madam Zelga

"If your ball is unplayable, a dropped ball is permitted."

"Believe me, you don't want to know where it all comes from."

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

"I thought of you the minute I saw it, Mrs. Webb."

'Pavlov's first experiment'

Carpet chase.

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

Spiro & Pusho: The Bird Seller.

Hey, Gus, do you remember how to use this straight-jacket?

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

It's kind of my thing – I only eat hat people.