Lover Of Quirky Humor Gifts

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"OK, he's hooked–now reel him in."

'Get up, you idiot! That's not our Queen, it's only Fat Bob.'

'Something's wrong here.'

"You're gonna take a left at the nondescript white wall, keep going till you pass a nondescript white wall, then head right when you hit a nondescript white wall. If you see a nondescript white wall, you've gone too far."

"Jesus Rufus! Not the fatberg special again!?!"

Monday: Even the flasher couldn't get his act together.

Scratch and Sniff Greeting Cards

"Scrunchy."

'I thought the boss was going to bite my head off for losing the mantis account, but she was more interested in dating me.'

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."

"Could you aim that down and a little to the left? I dropped my contact."

"Thank you for trusting and opening up today Dave. That's what therapy is all about. We'll expound on your sexual attraction to your gold fish in our next session, and also discuss in more detail your overwhelming desire to sleep with three cucumbers."

"You're drinking the potpourri."

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"Ooo. . . a Valentine's card! - I wonder who it's from. . . ?"

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Madam Zelga

"If your ball is unplayable, a dropped ball is permitted."

"Believe me, you don't want to know where it all comes from."

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

"I thought of you the minute I saw it, Mrs. Webb."

Rudy, I'm sorry I didn't call you back earlier today. I was so busy at work. No problem. Really? You seem concerned that it took me a few hours to return your call. Don't be absurd. I'm fine. Then why are you hiding outside in my bushes waiting for me to come home? I thought this was the bus stop.

'Dr. Hamer! Wait! That's Mrs. Tillman, here for a cleaning! Mrs. Hillman is the one having eight teeth extracted!'

'Pavlov's first experiment'

Carpet chase.

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

Seedy Beachgoer Man

Spiro & Pusho: The Bird Seller.

Hey, Gus, do you remember how to use this straight-jacket?

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

CIA HQ. Your report on the threat or double agents would be more effective if you didn't call it "attack of the mole people."

Hey, baby, you're cute. I was wondering if I could not have your cellphone number. Huh? You don't want my number? I'd hate to become one of the many interruptions that makes your day more stressful. If I need you, I'll just softly call your name. If you're too busy or don't hear, don't worry about it. I don't know why, but I am desperately in love with you. It's your hair. It's got to be the hair.