Quietly Quirky Gifts

"I sort of imagined with a live reading, he'd be reading out loud."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

'The cats love getting some fresh air, and it's the warmed coat I've ever had.'

The Food Chain

"Bless You."

Nun Fight.

"Don't editorialize."

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

'I've discovered a talking amoeba!' '2+2=4, 5-4=1, 93=3.' SMASH 'I wanted to get it before it multiplied.'

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

E M Forster.

'The stuff legends are made of'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

Noah's lesser known brother.

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

Penny Farthing Tricycle

Jungle dweller swings from outhouse with toilet paper stuck to his foot.

"You're not from around here...are you?"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

In Case of An Irresistable Urge to Break Something

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

Chiantis In Translation

'Pavlov's first experiment'

Hoppers leave Luke's Pub at the end of Hoppy Hour.

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

"And now, moving along to our right, we have Hilda Schumacher, of Zelton Falls, Pennsylvania. Ms. Schumacher has been painting clowns on velvet for over fifteen years, and we find her work a fine example of this genre."

Why do we have pistols? I thought we were back-to-back to see who is taller!

"Get your knockoff pretzels."

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

Big Bob knew it was wrong, but gosh darn it, someone had to stick up for the little guy.