Quiet Connoisseurs Gifts

'I don't like it... It's too quiet.'

Hush puppy.

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

Henrik Ibsen,

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

"There goes our early night."

Honestly, I don't know why I even bring Harold to parties.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Silly News.

"Cat got your tongue?"

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"He's a mental-health critic."

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"See what I mean? People don't know how to relax anymore."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"I hope this is the right wine for reading and ignoring one another."

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

He's been like that for hours - I think he's binge meditating.

'Do you have anything on obtrusive personality disorder?'

"Sure, I love the scent of a REAL tree, but nothing beats the convenience of ignoring the holidays altogether."

Speed Checked By Radar.

Maxim Gorky.

Shut the F#%* up! (Formally Shhhh!)

Free Little Library

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

"Can you play something the neighbor's dog doesn't know?"

The Zen of Regulation

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

"Are you really sure we're supposed to give points for sound?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

Card night for introverts.

"Time travel will never happen. You'd have to be able to travel faster than the speed of a tortoise for it to be possible."