Quiet Connoisseur Gifts

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

"Cat got your tongue?"

Music Hater.

Hush puppy.

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Imagine

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"There goes our early night."

Honestly, I don't know why I even bring Harold to parties.

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Moliere

C Day Lewis.

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

Charles Dickens.

'I don't like it... It's too quiet.'

Bleak House

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

Silly News.

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"See what I mean? People don't know how to relax anymore."

"I hope this is the right wine for reading and ignoring one another."

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

Blue wine

'Do you have anything on obtrusive personality disorder?'

"I'm working on a watercolor."

He's been like that for hours - I think he's binge meditating.

"Sure, I love the scent of a REAL tree, but nothing beats the convenience of ignoring the holidays altogether."