Quicksand Survivor Gifts

"For god's sake, man! Quick! Blow out the candles!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

'Hole in one!!!!'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

God in the bunker.

'Don't they look silly?'

Poor Walt - they don't make em like him anymore.

"I hate sand traps."

Offering a golfer a spade.

HELP WANTED - man in quicksand

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

ALLIED CHEMICAL PRODUCTS, INC., 'I'd like to transfer out of Research & Development for awhile.'

'No! I don't know why they call it quicksand when it takes so long to kill you. Now shut up and help me think of a way to get out of here.'

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

'Some things you just accept when you move to San Andreas.'

A holiday maker greets a castaway

"That's not a haboob. It's Ed trying to get his ball out of a bunker."

The head of a man sunk in desert sands

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

Wilkins refused to sink to their level.

'This is a very unforgiving golf course.'

Myopic man reading 'Optician' sign.

'When they said they had the 'screaming trots' I thought they meant a band!'

Cactus with tap.

"Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud, Harold. You're holding up the whole group."

'I still have a soft spot for my ex- like quicksand!'

'Talk about rough courses!'

'Am I pleased to see you - have you got a light?'

"The thing you have to know about quicksand is the faster you shake the shaker the faster you sink,"

'The poor guy's allergic to sand.'

'Where's the ball? Where's the BALL!?'

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

Convenience store: "I'm intrigued...how did you guys ever come up with the name?"

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'