Quick-witted Responder Pillows

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I'll have a man overboard!"

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Mildred takes a shortcut to the shops. . .

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

'Please sir - all of them!'

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"I have half an hour if you want someone to get sucked into your drama."

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

Surgeon asking patient, 'Would you like this to go?'

'Quick, Bensonhurst-Shaw, I need a bon mot for today's meeting.'

"Do you believe fish is brain food?"

King vs King- who's the clown?

'If a rooster can crow why can't a crow rooster?'

'Please try to be more tactful with your co-workers...' 'Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic...'

Is my mother-in-law the only one who shows up with an attache case?

Lecture on dealing with hecklers-tongues sharpened while you wait.

'Prolonged space travel causes an astronaut's brain to float to the top of his skull."

"That'll be one arthroscopic surgery. Please pull up to the first window."

Dave talks about the life as a Paramedic...

Man walking by a dry cleaner's with a sign in the window saying "All work completed when you least expect it".

"Humorous caption."