Quick-fix Explorers Gifts

Acme Tummy Flattening Kit

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'I don't know about the ecosystem, but the economy seems to be on the upswing.'

Giraffe Selfie

The Desert Island Package

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

"She thinks it's a touchscreen."

"Shall I kiss it better?"

Student to kid: 'School first, then Mount Everest.'

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

"In 200 cubits, right-turn, then stay on the current road..."

Planet of the Ants

'Now let's call and see what time it is in CHINA!'

The Shy Nudist Camp.

Headphone swing

"They grow up so fast. From Mother Goose to Google."

I can be upgraded, can you?

'Our new multi-syringe will take care of all your allergies in one fell swoop.'

"I did a quick search for my lost requirements documents and I found them right away, but how do I get rid of the ads now?"

I've traveled back through time to warn: The aliens are here. Open Mike Night Presents Future Guy. They hitched rides in on Halley's Comet every time it's near. Living nanites masquerading as technology … depending on the gullibility of you and me. 200,000 years of riding horses and buggies ... and suddenly we're 3-D printing tools and cars and trees? They're everywhere, just biding time to finish their big plan. They're in your phones, your watch, your cars, and they are nearly done. The brain

"With the wearing of this mystic talisman, you will never be plagued by any of the minor ailments usually handled by over-the-counter drugs!"

'Excellent meeting. I loved the quick fixes, the simple solutions, and the easy answers.'

"What we really need is a long term quick fix."

Family separated by the Internet

Pentagon Science Contest: 'I think the post office lost my invitation from the pentagon for their 'star trek' contest.'

'If these are the best years, can you imagine the crap that's coming?'

"Ambitions... to stand on my own two feet."

'Diet? Exercise... can't you just operate?'

'According to the map, we're about to sail off the end of the earth.'

'That's the worst case of rising damp I've ever seen!'

Bad vibes next 3 miles.