Queen-loving Friend Gifts

'So you lost the war -- it's still a personal best!'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

Marcel Proust

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Zoo. It's wednesday again --- time to wash the camels. I hate "hump" day. (Published originally on July 20, 2005).

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to hurt sales of my 'tell-all' book."

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

Chippunks

Canine Grammar. Getting a Master's. Shelter Adoptions. Getting masters.

The Queen

'I fell off the wagon, again... meat wagon that is.'

"Tut's outdone himself this time."

Tiny Tim, who did not die, grows up to marry Little Nell, who did not die, either.

"Can you perform under pressure?"

'He's not big enough to use the toilet yet.'

England.

'After we had him declawed he started taking on a tougher persona to compensate.'

"No, I'm only interested in dogs and cats."

Cleopatra

Dog's Sandwich

To sleep, perchance to wake up as a different person.

"It's true, Caesar. Rome is declining, but I expect it to pick up in the next quarter."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

Lady to lady about disguised lady: 'She's new to our Secret Sister program.'

Elizabeth I

The Wellington Statue.

People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal.

You always wanted a cute leather jacket

British Prime Ministers.

Happy Holiday

"Broken chairs, unmade beds, porridge everywhere... and a one-star review. Worst Airbnb customer ever."

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.