Quantum Quipster Pillows

'Actually I started out in quantum mechanics, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn.'

The Quantum Mechanic...

Physicists' Convention: Quantum Leap.

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

"Schrödinger's other cat"

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

Physicists can't explain why neutrinos were clocked going faster than the speed of light. Maybe they were going downhill.

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

Most people don't know that Einstein was the father of several illegitimate brainchildren.

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'Is the water cold?'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'I come from the future - any questions?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

Schrodinger's kittens

Official Seal

'What I meant by 'quark' in 'Finnegans Wake' was a hypothetical particle with a fractional electric charge.

You observed me speeding? Are you familiar with the Heisenberg uncertainty principle?

Death Watch

'Does My Bum Look Big In This Dimension?'

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

The Staff Meeting.

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"Hang on - I've forgotten the question!"

"We've agreed to count it as both a wave and a particle for tax purposes."

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

Quantum Breakup