Quantum Quipster Pillows

'Actually I started out in quantum mechanics, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn.'

The Quantum Mechanic...

Physicists' Convention: Quantum Leap.

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

Most people don't know that Einstein was the father of several illegitimate brainchildren.

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'Is the water cold?'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

Schrodinger's kittens

Official Seal

'What I meant by 'quark' in 'Finnegans Wake' was a hypothetical particle with a fractional electric charge.

You observed me speeding? Are you familiar with the Heisenberg uncertainty principle?

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

Death Watch

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"Hang on - I've forgotten the question!"

"We've agreed to count it as both a wave and a particle for tax purposes."

"Houston....I've found the 'Plank Constant'."

"Dr. Sykes is our expert in anti-matter."

"Photons have mass, but their rest mass is zero."

'To cure your dog I suggest you change your aftershave lotion, Mr Lutshbuddle.'

Quantum Breakup

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

"What's come over Heisenberg? He seems to be certain about everything these days."