Qigong Joker Gifts

How NOT to solve the problem of 'floating elbow' in your taiji

Banana Split...

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Joust Sharpener

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Jogging Bottoms

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

Unicyclist painting a ceiling.

'George, stop playing with the children.'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

"I've been telling everyone how athletic you are."

False encouragement.

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

AL'S GYM, 'We're going to make a new man of you!' 'Will he have new credit cards?'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

'It's her signature dish.'

Hungry Panda Thirsty Hippo Curious Sloth

Tred carefully mill.

Running With Scissors Marathon

Quantum Mechanics Mechanics working on Atoms

"There's U.N. Weapons Inspectors at the door. They need to see your meatloaf."

Popular methods for getting the check

"Are you certain that we have already detected all types of quarks?"

'Better than fresh - everything is irradiated.'