Pyramid Pretender Pillows

'The games console has saved us a fortune in holidays. We told him we were seeing the pyramids but we were actually in Skegness. He didn't notice.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Pyramid Handicap Parking

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

Pyramid builders make the Statue of Liberty.

'So, Pharaoh, what sort of collateral do you have to put down on this $2 billion Great Pyramid you want to build?'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Parisian Misguided Tours.

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

Plagiarism

'Don't you have any maps of undiscovered secrets of ancient temples?'

"Is this where I sign up for the cross fit class?"

Egyptian Dog House.

Bahrain F1

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

"Because we're jerks."

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

Skiers

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

On 'Friends Reunited' everyone can claim to be a front page maodel for GQ Magazine.

"Religion?"

"Whoever he is, he has season tickets."

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

"Well, no, but I always rooted for them."

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

"On your CV it says you get the Nobel Prize for 'being spectacular', I didn't know there was one for that!"

Crawler lane for workers building the pyramids.

DIMINATI