Paris Pretender Pillows

Parisian Misguided Tours.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

"Athlete? No. Ambulance chaser."

Miserable man holding a balloon with smiling face.

Plagiarism

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

"Because we're jerks."

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

Sale: Air guitar. As new.

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

On 'Friends Reunited' everyone can claim to be a front page maodel for GQ Magazine.

"I don't think air guitar counts."

"Whoever he is, he has season tickets."

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

'The games console has saved us a fortune in holidays. We told him we were seeing the pyramids but we were actually in Skegness. He didn't notice.'

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

"Well, no, but I always rooted for them."

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

Snail Gumball Machine.

"This book can't be very sophisticated...I understood it right away."

"On your CV it says you get the Nobel Prize for 'being spectacular', I didn't know there was one for that!"

Equality Championships