Prestige Pretender Pillows

"Well, no, but I always rooted for them."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"Oh, this old thing?"

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Parisian Misguided Tours.

'Nobody seems to bother me anymore since I won this.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"But seriously, medal of honor from the Academy of Sciences aside, who are you?"

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

Miserable man holding a balloon with smiling face.

"Athlete? No. Ambulance chaser."

Plagiarism

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

The Artificial Intelligentsia

"Because we're jerks."

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

"I'm very good at acting like I know what I'm doing."

"Whoever he is, he has season tickets."

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

'The games console has saved us a fortune in holidays. We told him we were seeing the pyramids but we were actually in Skegness. He didn't notice.'

'It's a social-climbing wall.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"I'll just sit here looking important - then no one will notice that I can't reach my desk."

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, haven't you?"

Money on Board