Putting Pros Pillows

"If he was holding up play, we'd call it 'justified homicide'"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"The goal is to hate yourself."

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

Tee for Two!

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

Man in Office playing golf, filing cabinet draw marked 'Rough'

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

'This course is a great ego builder.'

"Duh!"

Golf

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

Welcome to Fairway...The town with 536 holes of golf!

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

Putting out on the green is called 'The Short Game'.

'We could have saved an awful lot of bother and just given him a shot a hole.'

'I thought we'd get a merger agreement, so I arranged for our accountant teams to be on hand.'

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.

'This is Billy...my caddy and designated putter.'

'Would it be alright if I just did a little putting?'

Sink the putt or else!

I've had a fantastic round, I've even got a ball left over!

It is important that the aspiring golfer learns the meaning of certain golfing terms, so that he can understand what his fellow sportsmen are saying to him.