Putting Amateur Pillows

"The goal is to hate yourself."

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

The Amateur Golfer

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

Tee for Two!

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'Our village cricket club' - Young spinner cleverly positions the field to take a wicket.

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

King goes golfing.

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

"Duh!"

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

"A little high and inside."

Golf

Putting out on the green is called 'The Short Game'.

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

Welcome to Fairway...The town with 536 holes of golf!

'I thought we'd get a merger agreement, so I arranged for our accountant teams to be on hand.'

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.

'Y'know what? Maybe we should eliminate your backswing altogether.'

'This is Billy...my caddy and designated putter.'

Rory McIlroy