Putting Amateur Gifts

"The goal is to hate yourself."

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

The Amateur Golfer

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

Tee for Two!

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'Our village cricket club' - Young spinner cleverly positions the field to take a wicket.

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

"Duh!"

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

Welcome to Fairway...The town with 536 holes of golf!

Golf

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

Putting out on the green is called 'The Short Game'.

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

"A little high and inside."

'I thought we'd get a merger agreement, so I arranged for our accountant teams to be on hand.'

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.

'Y'know what? Maybe we should eliminate your backswing altogether.'

'Would it be alright if I just did a little putting?'

'This is Billy...my caddy and designated putter.'

You're not supposed to lob the rock!