Putting Green Navigators T-Shirts

'I realize this is a tough green, but to have 68 putts is beyond belief.'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

"Honey! We're home!"

'I can't sleep. I'm too awake.'

"Mush on."

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

Books 'n' Carrots

"I assumed it was writer's block but as I've never written anything I could be wrong."

'Sweet dreams Darling: Have a good day...'

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

"And would you like to continue paying no taxes at the 15, 10 or 20% rate?"

Tourists and GPS

Man cutting grass.

"Relax! That first crack is just me getting past your deductible."

'It's 700 pages. I just don't think I'm ready for that type of commitment.'

"Land ahoy!"

'This is too complicated. I think I'll just hold on to my waste and hope it eventually disintegrates.'

'I'm sure the people who live around here will know where we are.'

The Wooden Midshipman on the lookout

“So much for Google Maps.”

'Ok, this is far enough into the wilderness. My phone just died.'

"By the way, if I don't make it I'd like a burial at sea."

'While we realize it's difficult having a sick child at home, Mrs. Mote, we believe you sent Philip back a little soon.'

'No wonder I'm failing Math. I'm just no good with numbers. Even when I called the math homework helpline, I got the wrong number.'

"...Get it off me!"

Man answers phone in middle of the night annoying his wife.

November: "It's only 4:15, but it's pitch dark!"

Samuel Schneckenreiter: Born 1939, Published 1959,1961, 1965,1972. . . Perished 2013.

'It says, 'Warning, reading this brochure may damage your health.''

"Your daughter is a pain in the ass."