Purveyor Of Irony Pillows

'What happened to Al's Bait Shack?'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'... But, wouldn't that be kind of like, cannibalism?'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

The New Yorker Book of Cartoons that No One Can Understand

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'