Purse-string Philosopher Pillows

"If you can't BUY happiness maybe you can get it on hire purchase!"

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Goldfish bowl on raft...

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

Power/Expenditures

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

"I'm having second thoughts about those damn school uniforms."

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

The evolution of a woman's purse.

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"It Works For Us."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

Phrenology - Braille Edition.

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."