Purrsonality Appreciator Pillows

"You ask why I'm on your counter but I might as easily ask why you're on my floor."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

Jarvis Cocker

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

"You've changed."

"I speak Latin, you know."

'Puppies' at that playful stage where he likes to rearrange the furniture.'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"I have to cancel our plans. I feel a headache coming on."

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

"We're out of empanadas!"

Man reacts to being goosed. Caption: The secret work of Doberman Pinschers

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"There's always one kid that spoils the class picture."

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

'He's an abstract painter.'

"Are you binge watching again?"

"I was just kidding when I said that thing they sit on is a giant chew toy. I hope you can act cute, because you're in big trouble."

I think this is the episode of "Leave It to Beaver" where Wally and Eddie chain Lumpy's car to a tree. Couldn

'Known in his youth as the 'Keister Bunny', due to the many atomic wedgies he received, Peter would become the greatest of all cottontails.'

'There there how were you to know it wasn't Jeremy Beadle.'

Foolish Sid turns to look, and is immediately tackled and devoured by the duck.

Barristers playing a joke

"With Mindfulness, one may learn to sit through all distractions."

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

"We met online."

"Thanks for the unexpected lift. You can drop me off here. Or here. Or here. Or here."

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

"Please help me get these squirrels out of my pants. This isn't a pickup line. I really need assistance."

"I think I was a caterpillar!"

A Drive-By Glutening

"Wasn't she brilliant, I counted 27 F words and 11 C words. Genius!"

"Have you come far?"