Purrsonality Appreciator Pillows

"You ask why I'm on your counter but I might as easily ask why you're on my floor."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

"You've changed."

"I speak Latin, you know."

'Puppies' at that playful stage where he likes to rearrange the furniture.'

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"I have to cancel our plans. I feel a headache coming on."

"We're out of empanadas!"

"There's always one kid that spoils the class picture."

Man reacts to being goosed. Caption: The secret work of Doberman Pinschers

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

"Are you binge watching again?"

'There there how were you to know it wasn't Jeremy Beadle.'

'He's an abstract painter.'

Foolish Sid turns to look, and is immediately tackled and devoured by the duck.

Barristers playing a joke

"I was just kidding when I said that thing they sit on is a giant chew toy. I hope you can act cute, because you're in big trouble."

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

"We met online."

Dinosaurs were once considered slow dimwitted louts, but over the years that image has changed.

A Drive-By Glutening

"Have you come far?"

"I'm ot saying you're fired Ed, but I'm also not saying where I hid your desk."

"Wasn't she brilliant, I counted 27 F words and 11 C words. Genius!"

'It's either a crank call or some idiot's set his loin cloth on fire.'

Off the wall financial adviser.