Puppy Birth Gifts

'Perhaps you'd like to explain this,'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."

"No no, I said sit!!"

Baby Piano

My First Camera

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"That's not how I sat on you."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Children's artwork exhibition.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

Love a Mutt

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'