Puppet Humorist Gifts

'Now, remember, when we get in there, let me do all the talking.'

A Puppet Named Juan

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Jurassic Pork.'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Scuba cow"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'He does.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

Cats at private view

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."