Pup Planner Gifts

Valley trash

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Dogs

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Babies.

'This is way better than a litter box.'

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

Dog enjoying a sniffathon.

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Four Star Meal

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

"Oh, wow! Charlie is really hungry, huh, mom?"

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

'To make a long story short, your biological clock has jet lag.'

Long-range planning

"I borrowed it from my neighbor, he's a big tennis guy."

Dr. Mary G. Wells Obstetrician. Open Labor Days.

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

"Yes, he’s very excited to meet your Fifi."

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

It's time to treat your dog to Le Bon Chien.

No caption. (Baby decides which bottle to choose from a rack in a basement. The rack looks very much like a wine rack.)

"They know me here."

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

Family looking to buy a dog.