Punsters Unite Gifts

Watering Can

Dogs life

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Tequila Mockingbird

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"White Collar Prison"

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

You're Out Of Order

I can't decide if I want my blog to be G-rated or X-rated. On the one hand, "blog" is just a four-letter word. But on the other hand, cleanliness is next to blogginess. ?

Hamlet.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Seats in all parts!"

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

Happy Hour 5-6, but don't read a lot into it.

I'm a logofile, Lance. That means I'm a lover of words. What's the word for a lover of logs? "#@%=$!"

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

"This is a very bad sign!"

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

Fart. Le Poot.

Writers strike.

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

"I thought Marley said I'd be visited by three ghosts."

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

"This is a letter from your teacher. Are you seriously eating your own homework?"

Unlike other places, around here "take a load off" means "get back to work."

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"I blame his old careers teacher myself, it was him who suggested he did a bank job."

Karat Stew - 'I think it needs more bullion.'

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"In 1,000 feet, you're still lost."