Punny Patron Gifts

Who's Not Who.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Surreal ale

'The Saxon King' pub

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

Wanna talk about it?

Happy Hog - Manet

Dear Dairy

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Pub Kendo.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'Boozer's Week.'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

'It's very quiet in here, with everyone Twittering away.'

Stud Finders: 'These don't even work!'

Village Pet Shop.

"The usual, please."

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."