Punishment Pardoxist Pillows

"Since this is your first offence, I sentence you to clean your room."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

Extreme Sisyphus

Stop and Birch

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

Ref shows footballer green card.

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

'Mother thought you'd like some fruit!'

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'Look on the bright side. You haven't paid a penny in tax since you've been here.'

I Do Not have OCD

Footballer's Wages

'Does this mean you're grounded?'

'I was innocent until proven guilty, which took about fifteen minutes.'

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

'I heard it was you who parked next to me and put a dent in my car door. Where do you want your vaporized ashes sent?'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"But I thought once the I.R.S. applied a penalty, that was the end of it."

"I got a no TV for a week in math, a no dessert for a month in history, and a just wait 'til your father gets home in social studies."

"For parking in a handicap space, I sentence you to 30 days in a wheelchair!'

Man on death bed, hand in clouds through window like umpires, 'The final out'