Punishment Provocateur Pillows

'I heard it was you who parked next to me and put a dent in my car door. Where do you want your vaporized ashes sent?'

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

"I'm in advertising. . ."

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

"The second I turn 16 I'm joining a conservative political party and then I'll be able to do whatever I want!"

"Judging by where I've been transferred to, I think my boss is still unhappy with me for opening that attachment and infecting all the computers with a virus."

'Let me know if you want me to adjust the webcam.'

"I know good management is a delicate balance, but who changed our flow chart into an aerial circus act?"

'Welcome, sir?we've heard wonderful things about your accounting methods!'

"Tech support? Yeah, how do I add a 'Hate Me On Facebook' button to my website?"

General's epaulettes used as drink stands at party.

"Saying your god is the 'one true god' is as silly as me saying my penis is the 'one true penis.'."

End of Life Counselling

'If a painting can be forged so that even experts can't tell the difference, why isn't it worth the same as the original?'

Hell Mark - Cards for every occasion.

'Ok, how many hours of community service for Murder One?'

Writer's Block.

"You monster! I told you to stop posting political opinions on social media!"

"MY brother is the real black sheep of the family. He made mom cry and Dad disowned him. He's a politician!"

Biden's great challenge.

"Would I blow smoke?"

'50 million what a deal...50 million okay, 51 million...do I hear 55 million?...'

'...my next guest has been described as an extrovert..a hell raiser..a man of many suprises...'

I'm going to close my eyes and cover my ears. I expect the student who took my chair, desk and chalkboard to bring them back.

Political science.

"It's 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day.'"