Punishment Provocateur Pillows

'I heard it was you who parked next to me and put a dent in my car door. Where do you want your vaporized ashes sent?'

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

"I'm in advertising. . ."

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

"The second I turn 16 I'm joining a conservative political party and then I'll be able to do whatever I want!"

"Judging by where I've been transferred to, I think my boss is still unhappy with me for opening that attachment and infecting all the computers with a virus."

'Let me know if you want me to adjust the webcam.'

"I know good management is a delicate balance, but who changed our flow chart into an aerial circus act?"

'Welcome, sir?we've heard wonderful things about your accounting methods!'

General's epaulettes used as drink stands at party.

"Tech support? Yeah, how do I add a 'Hate Me On Facebook' button to my website?"

"So, the moral is, if you're going to cry wolf, do it from an anonymous Twitter account."

"Saying your god is the 'one true god' is as silly as me saying my penis is the 'one true penis.'."

End of Life Counselling

'If a painting can be forged so that even experts can't tell the difference, why isn't it worth the same as the original?'

'Ok, how many hours of community service for Murder One?'

Hell Mark - Cards for every occasion.

Hot date tonight, little buddy? I'll say. I met a super-smart, really amazing lady. We're going to hook up tonight. By that I mean we're going to get together and troll all the true believers at the Reptilian Illuminati are controlling everything Facebook group. Sigh ... Well, at least you're going to be in the company of another human being. By get together, I mean we're going to post comments in the same threads.

Writer's Block.

All Danish Mohammed Cartoons, All the Time!

"You monster! I told you to stop posting political opinions on social media!"

"Would I blow smoke?"

"MY brother is the real black sheep of the family. He made mom cry and Dad disowned him. He's a politician!"

'50 million what a deal...50 million okay, 51 million...do I hear 55 million?...'

Biden's great challenge.

'...my next guest has been described as an extrovert..a hell raiser..a man of many suprises...'

All Danish Mohammed Cartoons, All the Time!

I'm going to close my eyes and cover my ears. I expect the student who took my chair, desk and chalkboard to bring them back.

I own you, Meathead. How you figure? @Rudy_Park now has 115,000 followers. I'm a Twitter god. My secret? I tell them what a bunch of idiots they are! HOJ. Also, my picture shows me with huge pecs. You've just summarized my dating philosophy, which, but the way, usually ends badly.

Political science.