Punctuation Punter Gifts

A Semicolon.

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

Man kicking an exclamation mark.

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"I've just invented the question mark."

Ironing Punctuation

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

Punctuation Karaoke Night

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'