Punctuation Policeman Gifts

The Adventures of Grammar Man

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Dating an English Major

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"I've just invented the question mark."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Ironing Punctuation

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

Punctuation Karaoke Night

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

"Grammar-police, sir, we have some questions about your online posts and the inappropriate use of apostrophes."

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.