Punctuation Police Gifts

"I'm sorry, but shouldn't there be an apostrophe in that?"

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

Correct Grammar Squad

John was always the first to notice typos.

"I realize that most of you think the function of the semi-colon is to make a winking smiley face when texting. . ."

"I don't like it - he used a spell checker!"

During the inquest, he was taken off the case and given a desk job - where he vowed to do everything in his power to catch the typos.

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"I've just invented the question mark."

Ironing Punctuation

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Punctuation Karaoke Night

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."