Punctuation Philosopher Gifts

'Life'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Dating an English Major

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"I've just invented the question mark."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

Ironing Punctuation

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

Punctuation Karaoke Night

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"