Punctuation Pioneer Gifts

Save the definite article.

News. Editor. Like it? It's a new punctuation mark I invented!

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"I've just invented the question mark."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

Ironing Punctuation

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Punctuation Karaoke Night

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."