Punchline Professor Pillows

"...so he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, "All right, potassium chloride.""

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

Comedy Rule

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been wonderful, you've been the audience - goodnight!"