Punchline Philosopher Gifts

Comedy Rule

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smite him, my son!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

"Nurse, can you send in the interpreter for Senora Delgado?"