Pun Making Pillows

"You're such a good listener."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Zombie standup

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

baby sweetcorn...

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Your French dip, sir.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.