Pun Making Gifts

"You're such a good listener."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Zombie standup

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

baby sweetcorn...

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Your French dip, sir.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."