Pun Pillows

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"Excuse me, did I just hear somebody say 'This is the night of the deer savior's birth'?"

'I said to come in 'full scuba gear', not 'Scooby gear'!'

Death Watch

Flying Quack

I'm not worried, my lawyer said he'd buy me some time.

"M'lud, my client has no choice but to plead guilty to the charge of jaywalking as he is,in fact a jay."

'You are charged with assault and battery on a battery....'

'Coulda Woulda Shoulda Inc.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'You were right when you said that your horse would 'walk it'. He obviously did!'

Bulldozer

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'You've been in there for eleven weeks! I've got to pupa!'

"Of course I'm polite, I'm cordial!"

Right Of Entry

"Great. . . another cheesy joke."

Crab-ate!

Luke Sleepwalker...

bitter lemon...

The Pi Piper

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

Sheet Music

"I don't care what you thought – get out!"

ATM toaster

Stayed home and kicked back

Craft hell

Rare four-leaf Schnauzer

"I'm crossing the road to keep my social distance."

"Thanks! You look a lot better without your glasses, too."

"Privates Beach"

"We'll get what we need from you. Guaranteed!" "Officer Madoff, the best stool softener on the force."

CUD.

"My post got a trillion 'likes'!"

Icicle, Bicicle, Bicycle and Icycle.