Pun Professional Pillows

Do you plan to fry your brain again tonight, Lars? No, I learned my lesson last night. Tonight, I plan to just saute it in olive oil.

Accounting Dept. Don't panic, sir. When I said we have a "net loss" I only meant the wi-fi is down.

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

'Yes, of course they're prints,'

"He may be the principal, but he's a terrible speller."

"Oh, do stick it adjectively adverbially where the 'effin' sun don't shine!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Zombie standup

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

baby sweetcorn...

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

I will study my speling words...

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Your French dip, sir.'