Pun Humorist Gifts

'No, not THAT corner!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

Do it yourself books.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Well yes, I'm kind of a farmer now: I farm salmon..."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'What's your poisson?' (Man reading report on Farmed Salmon Toxins Scare).

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'I think my back is baroque!'

'I download music from a radio station in South Korea, and I got Seoul music.'

Tinnitus.

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Waiter! - will my pizza be long?"

'Don't say anything dad, let the cartoonist do a punchline.'

'See what happens when you forget to feed your pet?'

'Hold this til Tues and I'll pay you back, squid pro quo.'

Before the wheel.

"You may be more familiar with her maiden name, Kelly, Grace Kelly."

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

'Cheetah!'

'I didn't realize you were literally going to wear a little black number!'

"Late, as usual."

'Wait, Jethro! In the hanky directions for use it reads, FIRST clean your specs, THEN clean your nose!'

'Oh, I don't paint -- I'm a make-out artist!'

Jewdle

SALT- The horror movie

"It's called 'Unfinished Nude'."

"Sure, I'll do the eye exam, but I should warn you that I have a tendency to read between the lines. . ."