Pun Appreciation Society Pillows

Lab. The sugar molecule is perfectly symmetrical. It's ambi-dextrose.

'I'm sorry, but this relationship is not going to wok out.'

"I swing both ways."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

baby sweetcorn...

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Seagiraffes

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!