Pun Appreciation Society Member Pillows

'Fancy a swift half?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Copycats

Zombie standup

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Seagiraffes

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

baby sweetcorn...

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"