Publishing Phenom Gifts

"Dumb it up."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the author"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

First Novels.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Gay Times...

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Letters escape from a caged book.

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Sue the Author 3PM

Now showing, at a University near you...

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."