Public Restroom Philosopher Pillows

"No kidding? And it took me 20 minutes to climb up here!"

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

Vanity artist

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

Wash hand before making sound of one hand clapping.

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

"I only drink to be sociable. . . if it's any of your business!"

Prehistoric Graffito

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

Nature is not perfect

"You'll know when I've had enough. You'll have to wipe up the mess."

'It's from the local microbrewery.'

Round the Clock

'Three things I don't think we should talk about ... politics, religion, and everything else!'

'Ecce homo!'

A couple with dog look at restroom signs of a man, a woman, and a fire hydrant.

If toilets could talk