Public Health Commentators Gifts

MLB Owners, Players, Fans

"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"And I thought I was toxic. . ."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Confined by Coronavirus

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

"Why not?"

VACCINATION REFUSAL

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"Thank you all for coming to this small enclosed space to discuss a deadly and highly communicable disease."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

Swine Flu danger as a pandemic

"Actually I feel great but I read on the coronavirus blog that that might just be a symptom."

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

The Visitor

Vis10n Impaired

Health Foods

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

"The new lockdown guidelines are that up to ten people can go to funerals and ten thousand to demonstrations."

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

Obesity in America.

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"The little thin girl inside you that wants to get out now weighs 200 pounds!"

Well at least there's consistency in SOME things.

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."