Public Address System Announcer Pillows

"For God's sake, Felton, would you stop with that 'He-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ere's So-and-So'?"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Presenter Auditions.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Communication

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'My dad's a soccer announcer.'

New symbol for Public TV: 'The tin cup' (PBS)

"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"

"And now, representing rescue dogs everywhere..."

Good morning and welcome to National Public Radio, you bloated capitalist swine!

Annoucement

'PBS is weird -- they just ran an eight-hour commercial about how they never have commercials.'

'Big turnover at center ice! Mmm...looks delicious.'

London Town Crier

'Thou shalt worship the one true God, although at this moment, I'm obliged to point out that other Gods are available...'

"Would the owner of the dead plants and the embarrassingly juvenile trinkets please return to your cubicle - you've left your desk lamp on."

"This is Platform Two - All change...Exterminate!!!!"

Lefty Grange, Color commentator.

"Funding for 'Nova' is provided by Merck and Lockheed, by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by annual financial support from viewers like you."

Donald Trump cuts PBS funding.

'Yes, we're having another fund raiser but, please don't give! Who cares if honest intelligent radio goes silent forever?'

'I like your style - How would you like to do some public service announcements?'

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Moments later, everyone would think Khrushchev was a kook.

" 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe fifty basis points."

'Coming to you live. Straight from his last job. Let's have a big round of applause!'