Pub Conversationalist T-Shirts

'Sure, pal, I can crack a fifty.'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Read any good Apps lately?'

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Pie chart of pub conversations

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

"All the good ones are neutered."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'Better get back to business and take your mind off golf for a change.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"Mother, you were right."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'What a twist of fate!'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'Hello! I don't believe I've bored you yet...'

"I've stopped looking for work, which, I believe, helps the economic numbers."

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

'We're rich! We're rich! My mum's got goldstones!'

'Great lunch box.'

Randy, do you think I'm stuck working here, working at this cafe? Why do you ask? Maybe I could branch out, test the waters, see if I've got the courage and capacity to try something new. Are you saying I hang out at this cafe because I've got nowhere else to go? What just happened? If I just said something aloud, it had no weight or meaning.

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

'I take after my Daddy - He's a confirmed batchelor!'

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.