Urban Conversationalist T-Shirts

'Hello! I don't believe I've bored you yet...'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

The Schmoozy Reaper

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'I drink to bring about change.'

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"Mother, you were right."

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

"All the good ones are neutered."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'