Club Conversationalist T-Shirts

'Read any good Apps lately?'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

A lesson in wit

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

The Schmoozy Reaper

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'